Happy Places

Happy Places

I decided that I need a coke and a smile tonight so here I am, but actually I am a pepsi drinker, or cherry coke, but that just doesn't have the same ring to it, does it? And I just am going to rattle of things that make me happy....

*Those two gorgeous little smiles to your right

*Dancing w/my kids during the day, gawd I love that, they just laugh so hard at me...hey I'm no pro, all my experiance has been in bars! =)

*Lounging in bed with them for a looong time in the morning (damn going back to 8-5 is going to suck)

* S-H-O-P-P-I-N-G!!! Oh yes, love it

* Getting personal emails from friends, love to hear whats going on

* Polls

* My mommy

* The color pink..yes it makes me happy..lol

* Good music

* A good lifetime movie

* A clean house

* Makeup..that should be up towards the top

* KENNY...oh KENNY!!! he should be on top to...woops UP top, I mean...muahahahahah

*Kenny again, damn seriously just thinking of him makes me smile

* Cale and Micah walking around quoting Home Alone "Buzz..your girlfriend WOOF!"

* Girls night out, the rare occassions when Eve and I get out

* New furniture...just the thought that it will happen in the near future I hope.

* King of Queens

* Oooh SHOES...and Purses..more stuff that should be up top.

* My black boots, all of them. LOL

* Getting blessed w/extra money

* Getting a card in the mail

* Sending out holiday cards to friends/family. I do it for most holidays, its just so fun.

* Getting a new book

* losing weight, thats way down here cause it doesn't happen as often as I want...

Ok I think I'm done..I feel better, just thinking of some of those things makes me smile!

ou say I'm a bitch like its a bad thing

ou say I'm a bitch like its a bad thing

That has always been one of my favorite things to say. Not that I am called a bitch all that often, Im more self-proclaimed. I didn't used to be this way. I think I just have way too much to do. Sometimes I think if Jason weren't so damn hard, it would be easier and I wouldn't mind taking care of things, I used to feel that way. But damn this man is a rock, I asked him the other day "Do you even bleed?" I just don't understand how anyone can be so compassionless and unfeeling. The boys have pretty much come to the conclusion that dad is "grumpy most days". *sigh* This of-course upset me, I tell him, no response....UHHHH HELLOOOO!

I know that he had a really shitty childhood, an ex-stepmom abused him, his mom pretty much neglecting him, grandmother verbally abusive to him and everybody telling him he is going to fail. But damn, move past it already, you are 28, have beautiful children, I adore him, despite his faults...(why??) the boys adore him, my family dotes on him and I. We are all constantly praising him, yet it seems the damage is done and he refuses to let it go. Now I led a very good childhood for the most part, never knew we were poor when we were, never realized my parents fighting, until I became a teenager. Yes when I was 15 I was told my mother was terminally ill, my dad fought alcoholism, and I fought depression and a severe eating disorder, but to me these were things that built my strengths and my character. I used to love who I was. Now I don't.

Im irritable, moody, sad, stressed and unmotivated, for what seems most of the days. Even when I was a single mother battling things, I was still happy and strong. Its weird how life takes a hold of you and you change. I miss that girl. I had beaten my ED and stayed healthy despite my weight gain, I was able to go off my depression/anxiety meds for quite some time, I was a single mother in love with my child and so happy and enjoying life.

Things w/J have not always been this difficult. Our first 2 1/2yrs almost 3yrs back together were wonderful, we fought, but we loved too, and had so much fun. This past year has been extremely difficult. He left last fall, (2003) and I left this past summer. Money I know bears a lot of the weight in our struggles, it just has a way of putting this tension in the air that effects everything, like a ripple effect. Parenting styles is another sore spot, we just can not get in synch which SUCKS!

But like Melissa said, you still love one another. There is a great quote by a French Renaissance, "If you press me to say why I love him, I can say no more than because he is he, and I am I."

That quote sums it up for me. Its not all bad, and I told myself that when the thought of being without him makes me more peaceful than thought of being with him, that something is wrong and must change. Thankfully we have not hit that point. Like I've said before, our thing is "You love me, you bug me". I'm praying this year gets better and things take a really good turn for us.

Ok...enough of my rant. We bickered tonight, and its just been left unresolved, so now I am feeling it with heavy thoughts and a sad heart. Maybe I need to find a poll..lmbo that always cheers me up! *wink*

Until next time. Ciao!

Random Nothingness...

Random Nothingness...

Definately more than you want to know....but hey I am bored and we know what I do when I am bored! Be prepared this one's a doozy..so have a coke and a smile..LOL!

1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before?

Hmmm...been laid off and on unemployment!

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

Well I've been dieting all year, lost a total of 30lbs...and yet I am weighing about 6lbs less than last year...yeah I don't stick to them to well...but I'm a glutton for let down, so yes I'll make some again this year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Oooh yes, 3 of my good friends, 2 baby girls and a boy.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

One of J's fellow soldiers was killed in the war, that was very hard for him, and hard for me by association.

5. What countries did you visit?

None.

6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?

Oh man, more money, more time alone, more romance, more weight loss

7. What dates from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

1/08/04 went to San Diego, first time I flew since 9/11..that was an experiance.

6/18/04 I left Jason...definately not a good memory

7/20/04 came home

9/3/04 My baby's first day of school, and the day I swear my heart was ripped from my chest, when the busdriver lost my son, and he was missing for over an hour. Talk about mixed emotions.

There's more that I would list, but unfortunately 2004 was a very very difficult year..looking forward to a new beginning.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Not sure

9. What was your biggest failure?

My relationship w/J, but we are trying to mend it now

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

I have a fear of the dentist, seriously I would rather endure the pain, I have 2 absessed teeth, and I crushed 2 discs in my back, and flared the arthritis in my back

11. What was the best thing you bought?

A new car...lol Jason blew up my other one.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

My brother, he has come upon his 30th year and I am beyond proud of the man he has become, I would gladly fix him up w/any of my friends...now! LOL

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed disgusted?

My own, Jasons, and my dads..all sad but true

14. Where did most of your money go?

Eating out and crap I'm sure..lol

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Alex coming home safely from Iraq..Yeah Sgt Ruiz!
My FIL & Step MIL coming into town, I love them to death. Micah's first day of school, Calebs progression in speech, and as of Summer 2004, NO MORE DIAPERS or PULL UPS!! Yeehaw!

16. What song will always remind you of 2004?

Hey Ya by Outkast, Barbie Girl by Aqua..cause they were my ringtones most of the year..lol and Nelly "My Place" and Joss Stone cause I can't stop myself from listening to them, I love music..LOL oh and stupid DJ Sammy cause Jason loves those damn Cd's soo much, oh and Usher cause Micah and Caleb love him...*shakes head* I know...*shrug*..lol

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) happier or sadder? same, I think..lol maybe a bit happier
b) thinner or fatter? feel fatter, but the scale says thinner..lol not by much

c) richer or poorer? about the same.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Quality time w/kids outside and exercise, stayed organized

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Fighting and eating

20. How will you be spending New Year's Eve?

Spending the night with A&E, eating and getting wasted on Jello-shots

21. Did you fall in love in 2004?

My children its a re-occuring thing

22. How many one-night stands?

Yeah right I wish..lol *just kidding* (sometimes..lol)

23. What was your favorite TV program?

American Dreams and Desperate Housewives!

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

Not really

25. What was the best book you read?

Tough call, I am an avid reader, I've read soo many. Any Nicholas Sparks books, the Dave Pelzer books, James Patterson, Jennifer Weiners...too many good ones!

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?

JOSS STONE!! Re-discoverd how much I love Thalia and Kumbia Kings

27. What did you want and get?

My pink saphirre ring

28. What did you want and not get?

LOL too much!

29. What was your favorite film of this year?

Can't think of any of the top of my head, but saw some good ones..or rented I should say..lol

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

26, went to Olive Garden w/my guys and my family. Fought w/J...ugh

31.What one thing would have made your year measurably more satisfying?

Getting things back to good w/Jason and not having the financial stress we did.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?

Well if its a black boot I own it, and if it was pink,grey, black or white I wore it..lol

33. What kept you sane?

My children..lol but that reminds me of my fave quote,

"Worrying about your children is your sanity, and sometimes being that sane can make you nuts" Adam Sandler~Spanglish

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

J Lo...I know you can shoot me, lol but I do..as for men or Kenny Chesney or Josh HOTnett....uum bring it on boys

35. What political issue stirred you the most?

Too many..lol

36. Who did you miss?

On occassion..him *sigh*

37. Who was the best new person you met?

I dont think I met anyone new..gawd how dull!

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004.

Hmmm. That marriage is not what you think, and that it really makes you grow up. But then I think most people knew that..lol where was I when that was taught

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

Matchbox 20- Get it Back to Good

It's nothing, it's so normal
You just stand there I could say so much
But I don't go there cause I don't want to
I was thinking if you were lonely
Maybe we could leave here
And no one would know
At least not to the point that we would think so

Chorus:
Everyone here,
Knows everyone here is thinking about somebody else
Well, it's best if we all keep it under our heads
I couldn't tell,
If anyone here was feeling the way I do
But I'm lonely now,
And I don't know how
To get it back to good

Verse:
This don't mean that you own me
Well, this ain't no good, in fact it's phoney as hell
Yeah but things worked out just like you wanted to
If you see me out you don't know me
Try to turn your head, try to give me some room
To figure out just what I'm going to do

Chorus:
Cause everyone here,
Hates everyone here for doing just like they do


Matchbox 20-Unwell

All day staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something

Hold on
Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown
And I don't know why

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be...me


Gretchen Wilson (Patsy Cline)-When I think about cheatin

When I think about cheatin'
I just think about you leavin'
And how my world would fall to pieces
If I tossed your love away
Even when i'm tempted by some stranger
Oh there's never any danger
I just think about you leavin'
When I think about cheatin'

We survived Christmas!!

We survived Christmas!!

The holiday went well and we all enjoyed ourselves. There was the typical drama with my younger cousin and her mother, it would be nice to have one family event w/out this but it seems to have become part of the festivities this past year. She is addicted to crack, and has now become pregnant with her boyfriend who has a prison record, is 13yrs older, drug dealer, and owes $14k in child support. Plus now he has decided to take it upon himself to randomly through her across the room from time to time. She went from 200lbs last Jan to 123lbs her last weight. Majority of it she lost in like 2mths, and just keep dwindling down. (she is 5'11) She m/c last year cause of smoking too much crack and it really was hard for her. She has said that she's been clean since 4 days prior to Thanksgiving. Jason and I last week told her that if she started rehab and was sincere in her efforts to stay clean and get a job (she hasn't worked in over a year..shes 22) that we would let her stay w/us for a little while as long as she knew it was under 2 conditions,

1) No drugs WHATSOEVER, and no stealing. If either of this issues even comes up as a suspicion she is out. And oc-course Rehab

2) No Tony, that is her boyfriend, and No Stacia, her friend who did crack throughout her entire PG.

It is soo much to take on I know, and I can't say that I feel 100% good about it. But J and I are two of the only family members that she respects and I want to help her. I'm nervous, she hasn't accepted and I'm thinking she may not. It may change once we move into the house. *shrugs* who knows. I just know that despite all the bad things about her (and there are more than average) I want to see her get better.

This kind of situation always makes me wonder how God works, you know? I mean there are good couples out there who struggle for years to have children, to give them a loving home and a good life. I mean I have a friend back in Phx. who has been trying for 2yrs to get PG. THey are successful, good, smart people. Who is to say that they don't deserve to have a child. And then girls like my cousin, selfish, lying, stealing, abusive and immature and irresponsible and they get pregnant, do drugs harming that precious baby inside them and then even though they can work they get state aide for everything. I know its not up to me to judge who can have a baby. But its just perplexing. Will my cousin be a good mother, she has the capacity to be, but I think thats in about 5yrs. My best friend said, "Well it will make her grow up", but what if it doesn't? And why should the baby have to deal with its mother growing up at the same time that he/she should be. Who suffers there. Not to make light of it, but my cousin reminds me of the type of mother like Drew Barrymore in the movie, "Riding in Cars with Boys". I've seen her with my kids and while I know she loves them and would never harm them. She is not "parental" she stoops to their level and I am constantly having to tell her, to stop teasing and that she is the adult.

Ok enough about that.

Our Christmas was good, we got to spend it with our family and Alex & Evelina and Baby Jillian came. They did not go home for the holidays so we were lucky enough to get to have them spend it with us and our family. We consider them family as it is, they fit perfectly in. We will spend New Years with them, and at their house. When you got kids, sitters are hard to come by on NYE so we make due! LOL We'll grill Carne Asada and eat and eat. Play games, watch movies and play with the kids. Alex & J Im sure will drink too much, while Eve and I play babysitter to them. But its ok cause they are good drunks when they are together. But it is like babysitting...literally!

My boys got lots of toys and they got boots and toys from G'ma and Tata (spanish for G'pa). They got a fish from Santa and tons of movies they wanted, Shrek 2, Where the Red Fern Grows, Two Brothers and the last HP movie.

I got J his Dale Earnhardt Jr jacket his been wanting, (blah) a nice pair of Converse, lol and not the "Chucks" though he would like those! A Gretchen Wilson CD (I hate contributing to his redneckness..lol)some cologne and a sweater. He got lots of sweaters from my mom, LOL and some nice gloves. A case of Corona from Alex..ROFL Which is ok cause he got Alex a fifth of Crown Royal.

I got a Gucci purse (pink *smiles*), 6 different kinds of perfume, lol yes six, I know. To add to my 12 exsisting. But I love perfume. J picked me out 3 tops from Old Navy (with my help) a book that I've been wanting. Some DVD's, candles and candle holders. My aunt got me a hilarious gift, a WA State Firefighters (Tamara, you would love it!) calender and when she got it from the expo she had them personally sign it and lets just say *whew* it made me blush, but of-course was all in good fun. I had to laugh though cause one signed a cheesy pick up line that some men used to say to me in the bars (many many years ago..lol) "Your name is Angel...oh please take me to Heaven!" Jason says it needs to go up in the back of my closet door! LOL

My made me a beautiful quilt, which made me cry. She has systemic Lupus and arthritis (she is only 49)and its very hard for her to work with her hands a lot, so I knew that she put a lot into this. It is soo sweet, has tons of fun fabrics on it, and is pink/red/black/white. I love it, the backside of it is a warm fuzzy pink.

It was such a fun holiday and as always ended too quickly!

Now the moving fun starts...oh joy!=)

Ciao!

Such a sad day for football fans and Reggie White fans. I am a huge PACKER fan, being that my moms family is from WI, I think I was born w/a Cheesehead. I fell in love w/Brett Favre in a Post Game interview with his first game w/the Packers. I caught lots of flack from people cause that season he threw 24 interceptions. Look at him now...lol! Well just look at him! I have tons of Packer stuff, and my kids first warm up suits were Packer ones. Hearing the news yesterday that Reggie White died at 43 was not only sad but shocking. I loved Reggie White, he had the biggest heart and such a good sport attitude. Definately one of the great ones. I was laughing today thinking about a commercial that came out years ago, it had Joe Montana in the stands alone with a Psychologist and he was showing him ink blots and kept saying, "What do you see?" every answer was "Reggie White". LOL

So it is definately a sad day for fans.

Random Ramblings (RR)..lol

Random Ramblings (RR)..lol

So while doing my weekly surfing on the Coach site, I came across another bag that I desperatly want and here it is

http://www.coach.com/shop/product_nobefree.asp?product_no=6717&category_id=68&show_bc=&easyask_id=

LOVE IT! But it won't happen, not at $300...lol

This is another one that I just love

http://www.coach.com/shop/product_nobefree.asp?product_no=6398&category_id=68&show_bc=&easyask_id=

Now this one may happen if I happen to come across extra money one day...lol Like that really happens. But a girl must have her dreams, and mine are of Coach..ROFL. Not really...well maybe ;)

Ok so I do admit to owning the wristlets, but you can typically find these on sale at Nordies, for a great price and they are a handy little tote to have, to carry just the essentials. :)

I have this one in denim, but now want the pink, put it on the list for my honey to buy...yeah that won't happen! LOL

http://www.coach.com/shop/product_nobefree.asp?category_id=200&product_no=6751

Guarentee it will be cheaper in a dept store. The site always is a little bit more, and the denim one I got was off of ebay. I love it. =)

Now purses more in my range that I love are my Roxy bags. Fun, flirty and colorful. I swear purses, shoes and makeup are a sick addiction of mine. Before the kids came along thats all I did was shop. But I had the means to do it then and no responsibilities but to myself, so what the hell right!

Now I do so love shopping for them. When we can. I am in the market for getting them beds, bunk beds. I wanted a double on the bottom and single on top, but I am having tremendous difficulty finding ones that we can afford and for a reasonable price. *Sighs*.

So my boys are so cute and funny..most days =). Today Jason asked Caleb what he wanted from Santa and Caleb says, "FRUIT SNACKS!" LOL seriously if I got him the worlds largest box of fruit snacks thats all he would want, that and cowboy boots (ick).

We are house-sitting for some friends of ours and let me tell you this house just epitamizes F*I*L*T*H!! It's disgusting and Jason keeps reminding me that they cleaned before they left. I am not being mean, but to me for a SAHM this is just pure laziness, especially since she has two older kids, 15, 13, 5 and 6mo. Yes she has her hands full, but come on. She has such nice stuff too, gorgeous new furniture, and all sorts of fun decorative stuff. She just needs to crack into her shopping money for Merry Maids, I say. I know that homes with kids are going to have mess, thats a "lived in home" I guarentee you walk through our house and you will find stray shoes, socks, toys, books. Not everything is put away. But our house is not dirty.

They left town for 3wks and she left TWO 1/2 full baby bottles under piles of newspaper on the table,a milkshake on a desk, they have had this steak in the fridge "marinating" since his homecoming party, Nov 12. Yes raw meat in the fridge for what, 6wks? This is another friend of J's from the ARMY. He offered me $100 to clean it before they come home. Which I have straightened it up some, but you could not pay me to clean crusted vomit off your toilet, and God only knows how long its been there. *shudders*

Ok sorry to totally go off about nothing, lol I just got back from there, checking the mail and on their bird. I have no clue how to care for birds, but I had turned on their heat to like 65 cause they had it off and the bird was by a window, I thought he is not going to die on my watch. It had to be way too cold in there for him. I love their daughter (13 y/o) and will not let her come home to no parakeet. She makes me want to have a girl. LOL, she's become like my own little best friend. She tells me all the "hots and nots" in the Jr High scene.

Ok so I'm done, off to finish laundry and pack my PIA his lunch.=)

Ciao!

Ok so I lied...lol

Ok so I lied...lol

Ok the blog world is a poll-a-holics dream. I've come across so many fun random polls and love it! Here's one I found earlier today.

1) Name the last four things you have bought:
Cigerettes, One Hour Film, Picture Frames, Groceries

2) Name four drinks you regularly drink:
Water, too much soda, iced tea (no sugar, does that make up for the soda??) Mylanta..lol stomache uclers suck

3) Last time you cried?
Yesterday

4) What is in your CD player?
Joss Stone (Girl Power..lol)

5) What is under your bed?
Drawers

6) What time did you wake up today?
7-ish, got out of bed at 8..lol

7) Current hair?
Dk Brown w/red highlights, blown dry straight..lol

8) Current clothes?
Jeans and one of those sweaters that gives the illusion you have a blouse underneath...lol what are those called? Mine is pink/white


9) Current desktop picture?
Until today it was Kenny Chesney..purr. Now its my babies!!


10) Current worry?
Finances and our move

11) Current hate?
See above..lol

12) Favorite places to be?
Sephora..lol oh wait probably Mom's house or the Mall..really

13) Least favorite place?
Dentist

14) How tall are you?
5'6

15) Favorite expression?
Damnit and Get Out! (used as an exclamation..lol)

16) Two people from your past you wish you could talk to:
Hmmm, Maybe Carlos and Lonnie

17) Favorite day(s)?
Saturdays

18) What country would you like to go to?
Costa Rica

19) Where do you want to live when you get married?
Here is fine

20) Favorite foods?
Candy..lol Jelly Beans. I love pineapple


21) Color of most clothes you own:
black, pink, white and grey

22) Number of pillows you sleep with?
6 on our bed, I sleep w/2, 3 if I can steal one from J

23) What do you wear when you go to sleep:
T-shirts, nightgowns (I always have PJ bottoms under my pillow JIC of a fire. I'm paranoid I know)

24) What were you doing 12AM last night:
Reading a book, then surfing the Coach site..lol

25) How old will you be in 10 years:
Do we have to go there? LOL 36

26) Are you paranoid?!
Sometimes, about fires yes.

27) Do you burn or tan?
Tan

28) What is the brand of your wallet?
Nine West

29)First piercing/tattoo?
Piercings was when I was baby, ears. Tatoo I was 17

30) First enemy?
A boy in 2nd grade, can't recall his name, he was rotten and ugly! LOL

31) Last person you yelled at?
Micah..to quit sitting on his brother

32) Last crush?
Oooh Kenny Chesney!

33) The last thing you ate?
Banana w/PB..lol


34) The last time you had sex it was:
Monday night I think.

So really I am lazy..lol!

So really I am lazy..lol!

But I am putting the links to pictures of the 3 loves of my life. I am just too damn lazy to try and figure out all the DL crap and what not! So click on the link if you want to see my men!!

This is my beautiful baby boys, in front of the tree that they put up in the center of downtown, we live in a very small quaint town, that is 14sq miles, the town, now the city limits of-course are huge. But town is small. But this is right by the waterfront, and unfortunately the pics of the boats in the harbor w/ all the Christmas lights did not come out..damnit. But here are my silly monkeys in front of the tree. Gawd I could just stare at their pic all day...plus pics don't whine or talk back =)

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v443/jrobosgirl/boys.jpg

Here is a picture of my pain in the butt...oh the love of my life I mean. LOL! He really does make my heart soar. Our saying is "You love me...you bug me" and its oh so fitting. He's the one that looks like he should be the lead singer of some grunge band. ROFL With the hat. This was when we went to celebrate his best friend getting back from Iraq. J was in the ARMY w/Alex and took to him like a brother. Lucky for me I love absolutely love his wife! So we are fortunate to have a couple who we really love to hang out with.

Oh and the boys (J and Alex) were very drunk in this picture, you can really see it in Alex's smile. LOL But us wives made them leave the beers out of the picture. Though you can see the drunk dribbles on Alex's shirt!

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v443/jrobosgirl/honey.jpg

So those are my guys! I have no recent pics of me, which is really bad. My aunt is always giving me hell about it. She tells me the same story over and over again, forgetting that shes told me before. About two boys who wrote into Readers Digest about how sad they were cause their mother had passed away and when they were going through photos they realized that they had very few and no recent photos of their mother. She tells me this ALL the time. I hate cameras, I have the highest cheekbones and it does not photograph well. ROFL...yeah thats my excuse.

I did find one of the military ball, this was like 2yrs ago. My hair is a completely different length and color! LOL For some reason when it scanned it scanned very blurry...and J looks really freaky...LMAO!

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v443/jrobosgirl/02infball.jpg

Ok so thats about all thats going on...boredom. I did hear from J's ex and all she said was "A liked her gifts" so at least it was an acknowledgement. Then she went on and on about how her newest flava..lol bought her over $500 worth of stuff for Christmas and is always giving A money and is paying for their tickets to HI this Jan. It was funny cause I am going to burn in hell for talking badly about this, but I had this image, as this new boyfriend is 47 (shes 28) and he always tells A to run and get her purse and he then gives her money for it, and I thought of a Grandpa giving his grandaughter money. I am aweful..burning in hell for sure!

My goals for the coming New Year!

My goals for the coming New Year!

Ok so I wanted to get these down before I forget them or get sidetracked and forget what I want to put on it. This way throughout the year I can refer back to this as a reminder. I am about the worst person about keeping New Years Resolutions. Really I am. But this year is going to be different..lol.

1. Spend more time doing activities with the boys, not so many lazy Saturdays and Sundays at home.

2. Having more patience and consistancy when disciplining the boys. (not losing my cool and sticking to the punishment..Im so weak)

3. Making more romantic and intimate time w/Jason.

4. Really getting things in order for our reception.

5. Keeping in touch with Jason's family more

6. Re-establishing our savings once I become employed again

7. Keep papers more organized

8. Get the life insurance papers, will's and POA updated

9. Get the adoption paperwork for Jason w/Micah

10. Diet and exercise change (as always...blah blah..lol)

11. Get my new furniture!

12. Take a spanish class, so I can improve and not speak it so sloppily and get my comprehension back so every other phrase when I am speaking with someone is not "Mas Despacio"!! GRR LOL

So those are my long term goals and "To Do's" not the short list that I have in order for the next two months. Oye Ve!

Typing it went quickly one can only hope that it will be completed so quickly. A girl can dream. =)

A little bit of this and that

A little bit of this and that

Christmas really is coming to quickly this year. Too quickly. Still have too much to do and its what 5 days away. Ok so I had to take a deep breath so I didn't run away from the computer screaming when I saw that in black and white.

Ok so I have a tiny little rant today. It's about Jason's ex-wife. I really get along with her quite well. We've come along way from the bickering and her back stabbing, she was brutal, very brutal. But we really have both made an effort and enjoy catching up with one another. Now my main interest is not in her, but in "A", Jason's daughter. My main thing with Jason, who really loathes his ex-wife (he has his reasons which are pretty justified) is that he has to make nice for the sake of A, to be a part of her life and how important it is that he remains amiable with his ex so that he can be a part of A's life and she can see that the divorce has nothing to do with her and how much he loves her. They live in VA...some 3000 miles away from us. I really think that we do our part, we pay $400.68/mo in child support, and pay for her med/dental insurance and all deductables. There is even this bill that we are disputing right now, cause the Dr's office is holding Jason responsible for not one, but TWO "No call, No show" appointments. Lets face it, he has no control on wether or not his ex makes it happen, and that falls on her, it even states so in the divorce decree.

Anyways back to my rant, I am upset, cause we send A packages for almost all holidays, and cards (even St. Pattys) cause its just important to make that effort for her and we enjoy doing it. Well we just sent her a lot of goodies for Christmas and her birthday, $100 worth plus almost $30 to ship the boxes and I know that they were received cause we got the confirmation. Yet he gets NO CALL to say "Thank You." Now A is only 5 so this is obviously not something that she can do on her own. But I as a mother whenever anyone sends my kids something make it happen, I make sure there is a phone call. They call to express their thanks and now that Micah is writing and drawing he draws pictures and writes cards.

It just seems so one sided and our feelings really get hurt. I stay out of the divorce and support issues cause I feel its not my part to stick my nose in it. But lets face it there are not many men out there who on their own would go and pick out gifts, cards, wrap them, package them and send them at least 6 times a year. So of-course this is how I get involved and help and also getting to hear all about her, until she is old enough to want establish a relationship with me. So I guess I'm just hurt.

Jason unfortunately has not been able to go out there as often as he should and as he wants. Cause its not like we have money growing off trees. I mean we have 2 kids, rent, 2 car pymts, insur, child support, and up until recently a $1000/mo child care bill. So I feel partly responsible for that. But he calls her regularly and like I said we try to send her cards and goodies regularly. Anyways none of this is ever recipricated (is that the word I want). We never get "thanks", or "thanks for making efforts, thanks for taking care of her medical/dental" when in the divorce decree it states that if its over $66/mo we dont have to pay, we pay $123/mo plus any deductables. He hasn't even received pictures of her since April 2001 (he has seen her since then) we don't get school pictures, projects, colorings..nothing. Occassionally she will email pics, but thats not the same, fine for friends but not for a father.

I know I know, why should he get thanks for doing what he should as her father, but its not about that. I mean I still tell my parents thanks for everything. My boys tell us thanks for when we take them somewhere. I thank Jason for taking out the trash or giving the boys a bath, its just courteous and thoughtful.

It's just sad to me. I guess cause w/Micah I have a father who knows where we are and makes no efforts, no money, no help, no contact. Though I am ok with this and the money thing was my own pride thing but that was FIVE years ago. He chooses not to contact us. Long story for another blog. LOL

Anyways I just feel bad for Jason cause I know he misses her and he wants pictures so badly. I do the best I can for him, like I have printed the email pics up on photo paper and framed them. But to him its not the same, and I respect that. This is one of the main reasons he is so angry with his ex. He asks all the time for them, and still he gets nothing. She of-course rants that he doesn't give her enough money. When he doesn't even get the tax exemption any year and pays his support every month on time, even when he was unemployed, we made it happen, its one of our first priorities to pay.

Ok enough, cause I could go on and on. But I just have to stop cause its not my issue. I just feel badly for Jason.

Now my next rant...whew I am on a roll today. That new reality show coming out "Who's Your Daddy". Im sorry but I just think it takes such a personal and significant, not to mention traumatic situation and not only opens it up to millions of strangers, but in what seems a tasteless way.

It's about an adopted child meeting her birth father for the first time, but it seems like it is set up in a "Bachelor" type show. She meets all these men and gets to know them, blah blah and then they reveal the one who is her father in the end. Now I am not adopted or an advocate, but I just think that this is exploiting something soo sensative. Now my cousin is adopted and I guarentee that her ideal situation to meet the man who was her bio father would not have been on TV. Granted he is a crack head who is in and out of prison, but even if he wasn't she said she would not want it that way, no matter what the prize or money would be...and I love my cousin but she is all about the bling bling! So I don't know I just think they've really pushed the boundries with this reality show. But its yet to be seen, so maybe its not as bad as I think it is.

I must get my rear off this chair and get my nightly chores done, the boys want to go see the jellyfish tomorrow. We live by a pier and when you walk along it you can see tons of jelly-fish I think we will all miss that. When we first saw them, Micah said, "Mom they do not look like Patrick at all! They look like eggs!" I think that was my first clue that he was watching a bit more TV than the average 3 1/2 yr old.

Yet another one.....

Yet another one.....

Oh the things I succumb to in my moments of boredom..lol! It is fun though =)

What is the geekiest part of your music collection? None of my music is geeky....oh wait, O-Town..yeah so and I love that CD! LOL

What do you eat when you raid the fridge at night? Don't raid the fridge, unless its for soda, I raid the "Scooby Snacks"

What is your secret guaranteed crying movie? The Story of Us w/Bruce Willis and Michelle Pfieffer

If you could have plastic surgery, what would you have done? Oh the list has grown so much, about 6yrs ago it was just Collagen. Now I say let me have the buffett please?

Do you have a completely irrational fear? Jason's driving and people touching my feet..DO NOT do it

What's the little physical habit that gives away your insecure moment? I fidget with my shirt/blouse...major fidgeter

Are you a pyromaniac? No, but I can smoke a match..lol

Do you have too many love interests? Kenny Chesney, Josh Hotnett, Joshua Jackson, The Rock, Rob Thomas, Brett Favre..do those count?

Do you know anyone famous? I went to highschool w/Mike Bibby..yada yada, he was my lab partner in Bio once. I also went to highschool w/Buddy Rice (just wont the Indy 500) he was a friend of my best friends brother, we shared carmel popcorn. LOL but no I don't *know* them

Describe your bed: Oh I love my bed, I just re-did my room. Its high wooded w/drawers on the bottom, pink/black/white bedspread with pink sheets (flannel right now) lots of pillows, just got my netting and sconces, but have not put them up yet since we are moving.

Spontaneous or plan? Plan w/the occassional spontanaity

Do you know how to play poker? Nope

What do you carry with you at all times? Lipglass

What do you miss most about being little? Having someone take care of me

Are you happy with your given name? Yes, but its mispelled and I am to lazy to change it, should read "Angelina" and it says "Angelita"

How much money would it take for you to give up the Internet for a year? ooh thats a toughy, I would miss it, so lets say $1 million

What color is your bedroom? Pink, black and white

What was the last song you were listening to? Oye Mi Amor by Mana

Have you ever been in a play? plays not that I remember, musicals yes

Have you ever been in love? 3 times, still in love with the 3rd and still think fondly of the other 2

Do you talk a lot? TOO MUCH

Do you like yourself and believe in yourself? Sometimes

Do transient, homeless or starving people sometimes annoy you? Nope, in fact I keep a few dollars in my car ashtray for this one down the road from my moms. Give them what I can, sometimes I carry extra coats (that are old) and bottled water to give them.

Do you consider yourself to be a nice person? Yes, unless you are Jason..sorry my love =)

Do you spend more time with your husband, or your friends? Husband

What's your ideal wedding location? Garden setting lots of flowing white linens and twinkle lights...gerber daisies everywhere

Which musical instrument do you play? Air Guitar

Favorite fabric? Linen

Do you tell your friends about your sex life? The close ones (about 2) get the intimate details, others get the generic..lol

What's the one language you want to learn? Would like to brush up on my espanol...my conjugation is suffering badly right now and my spanish as a whole has gotten sloppy =(

How do you eat an apple? I slice it

What do you order at a bar? Vodka/Cran (usually too stout) so an Appletini or June Bug

Have you ever pierced a body part? Just ears, want to do my tongue, but my mother would kill me..death, murder for real. LOL

Do you have tattoos? Yep, and I only regret one..none of them are visible to the public..except my toe!

Would you admit to plastic surgery of any kind if confronted? Of course

What's one of the funniest things you've ever done? Flashed a group of Marines without knowing it. Ran smack into an arcadia door at a hotel party

Do you drive a stick? Haven't in about 6yrs, wonder if I'd be able to still do it?

What's the one trait you hate in a person? Two-Faced Liars!

What kind of watch do you wear? Roxy, everyday, Brighton for the special occassions (my mommy got it for me)

Most frivolous purchase? Makeup

What do you cook the best? Mexican food..think its cause its my heritage..lol

Favorite writing instrument? Sharpie Extra Fine Point, have them all over in all colors

Do you prefer to stand out, or blend in? Blend in

What's one car you will never buy? too many to list. El Camino..do they still make those?

What kinds of books do you like to read? Mystery/Suspense...lots really

If you won the lottery, what would you do? Take my family to Disneyworld, my mom has never been to either

Burial, or cremation? Cremation..I think. I go back and forth

How many online journals do you read regularly? About 10

Do you have a problem changing clothes in front of friends? Only 1, my best friend of 15yrs..lol she's seen it all and I've seen hers!

I am what you call a "poll-a-holic"

I am what you call a "poll-a-holic"

If I find a poll, you bet your bippy I am going to do it! LOL I love answering them, and love reading them, love thinking them up. Seriously when I am going throughout my days, I will think things, and be like, "Oh that would be a good poll question". I think I am in serious need of some excitment in my life!

FIRSTS

First job: Chicago Style Deli(in AZ) named "Cubs Park"..good times
First screen name: Cloud8 (John Michael Montgomery Song)
First self-purchased CD: Um Cracker and I listened to it all the time!

First piercing/tattoo: Piercing I was like 6 or 9mths old. Tatoo I was 17..shh

First true love: Lonnie Justin Parker, and I still think about him often, he was my highschool sweetheart

First enemy: Don't remember his name but he poured apple juice on my head in 2nd grade

LASTS
Last big car ride: 2yrs ago to a beach in OR
Last kiss: Kissed my boys g'night
Last library book checked out: 3 wks ago, "Sam's Letters for Jennifer by James Peterson

Last movie seen: Spongebob Movie
Last beverage drank: Water
Last food consumed: Yoplait Yogurt..no wait a mini PB cup
Last phone call: My best friend from San Diego w/some HS gossip..yes we are 26..lol
Last CD played: Nelly..gawd I love that CD
Last annoyance: My cousin messing w/my thermostat when she came to visit tonight, she always does it and it pisses me off!!
Last pop drank: Cherry Coke w/dinner
Last ice cream eaten: Phish Food about 3wks ago
Last time scolded: I was scolded? Been a while, scolded my 5yr/old tonight =(
Last shirt worn: Black button up blouse

I...
I am: overwhelmed
I want: money..lol
I have: beautiful kids (in every sense)
I wish: I was shopping w/more money
I hate: how much weight I've put on this year
I fear: not getting out of this financial bind
I hear: silence..except for my keyboard tapping
I search: the net for my perfect Coach Wristlet..lol
I regret: nothing right now
I love: my fiance, my boys and jelly beans
I always: wear lipstick and eyeliner
I am not: healthy..need to take better care of my health (teeth, ulcers, migraines)
I dance: around the house to my disco w/my kids!
I sing: Baby Mine and You Are My Sunshine to my kids everynight
I cry: once a day (I know, but its not always sad cries, happy too)

YES or NO:
You keep a diary: Yes on and off-line
You like to cook: Yes, love it, plan on going back to Culinary School one day
You have a secret you have not shared with anyone: Yes

DO YOU...?
Have a crush: Superstar crush, Kenny Chesney and Josh Hotnett..lol
Want to get married: We are early this summer
Get motion sickness: No
You're a health freak: Ha!
Current hair color: Dark Brown w/red Highlights
Eye color: Black
Birthplace: Phoenix, AZ

FAVORITES
Number: 4
Color: Pink
Day: Saturday
Month: Jan or Feb
Songs: too many to list
Season: Winter
Drink: Green Tea
Alcohol: Vodka/Cran

PREFERENCES
Cuddle or make out: Cuddle
Chocolate milk or hot chocolate: Hot chocolate
Milk, dark, or white chocolate: Dark
Vanilla or chocolate: Chocolate

IN THE LAST 24 HRS, HAVE YOU...
Cried? Yes
Helped someone? Yes
Bought something? Yes
Gotten sick? No
Gone to the movies? No
Said 'I love you'?: Yes
Written a real letter: No
Talked to an ex?: No
Missed an ex?: Yes
Written in a journal?: Yes
Had a serious talk?: does an arguement count?
Missed someone? Yes
Hugged someone? Yes

Seriously, what is their major MALEfunction??

Seriously, what is their major MALEfunction??

Yes I know I spelled that wrong, lol I was trying to stress a point =)

I love my man, most days..ha ha! Seriously though I used to think it was just Jason, but then I see the men around me doing the same things!

Toilet paper rolls, what is the deal? They can get them out from the cabinet, but heaven forbid actually putting the roll on the dispenser or throwing the empty roll away, I think its the whole 1,2, 3 of it that throws him. Wrappers, and cans, I think they just must be heavier when empty than full, cause they certainly don't make it to the trash can. I don't understand, and really I could continue to list things..but I won't..today anyways =).

I have to laugh at him cause I know I must drive him absolutely nuts, I am an anal controlling clean freak. Seriously high maintnance. I have really calmed down a lot since having kids, especially boys cause we know life with boys can be messy. But I just love having a clean home. A certain part of me feels complete with it. My former boss who was a great friend of mine, used to come over and say she seriously thought I had OCD, cause my cans were alphabitized, and closet color/season cordinated, so immaculate and everything in its place. That was pre-children. It was much easier to be that way then. Don't get me wrong, my house can get messy, but never dirty. LOL My mom always told me there is a difference, and now that I have my boys I know the difference.

When I used to live w/my best friend she would make me *NUTS* she was such a slob. She used to wash dishes with cold water and ask me what the big deal was. Huh? One time I took all the food containers, plates that she would leave around the house and put them in her room, yeah they stayed there almost a month. Pure nastiness, she never even realized I did that, until I told her years later. I used to make her nuts too, she tells everyone the sponge story (yes I know sponges breed germs..but I have a system, and I am part of sponge-a-holics anon) Anyways, I would always have (still do) a sponge for the counter and a sponge for the dishes. Well she was always mixing them up, and that would seriously make me nuts (I know I need help)so I would take a pink one and say "Pink is for the Pretty Dishes..pink = pretty" "Green is for the gross counters, Green=Gross". She still didn't get it, so then I would just write on it with a permanent marker. LOL She loves to tell that story. Lucky for Jason he doesn't mix up the sponges!

I remember growing up, my mom used to have a sign that said, "Dull women have immaculate homes" It was supposed to be a joke of-course. When I was younger I had no clue what it meant. The other night it was midnight and I was cleaning my kitchen for the umpteenth time and I thought about it and laughed. I think I am a little on the dull side, I thought. But then of-course I just realized that my life has shifted, the next phase. Motherhood and Wifey. Its a great phase, an exhausting one, but great. I'll tell ya though I am really out numbered. My boys do not get their cleanliness from me! Though Micah prides himself on being a pretty boy. Caleb on the other hand is exactly like his dad, messes up his hair after I comb it..messy messy messy! Where as Micah loves to look nice, he has to have his hair combed and then "Spikey stuff", cologne (yes I let my 5yr old wear his dads cologne..lol)and he will not leave the house without an undershirt. He is very well mannered, and at the bus stop I'll hear him yell to the his friend Blake, "Ladies First!!" seriously. I guess I think I can fool the genetic make up and raise my boys different. Don't all mothers say that? *sighs* I hope mine are.

My point to my rant...none really. I was just cleaning up around the house and found his sock next to the hamper, can on the coffee table, and wrapper on the counter. LOL it's been 9yrs that I've known him and 4yrs of living together. I don't think he's ever going to change.

Oh a Micah-ism from dinner tonight, "Mom I like girls who wear lipstick" Hellooooo??? I said, "Who do you know that wears lipstick?" He said "You mom".......aaweeeee I think in his own little weird way, he was flattering me.

So thats enough of my scatter brained ramblings tonight. Until next time. Ciao!

Oh yes and still no true *truly shameful* =(

WE GOT THE HOUSE!

WE GOT THE HOUSE!

Ok so I talked to our landlord (I can call him that now..right?!) and he said he sees no bumps in the road for us moving into the house! Talk about relief *whew*. He spoke w/our current landlord, who I have yet to speak with..eek. I always feel like a cheating spouse when I move. I've rented for almost 10yrs now and I've yet to not feel bad when telling one landlord that we are leaving, even when it is an apartment. Anyways he spoke with her and she said we were great tenants. *Double Whew* Cause I know we pay rent on time, but we are upstairs and I know that downstairs its got to sound like a heard of elephants or a parade up here sometimes. Plus when you are a downstairs tenant you can hear *everything* almost that goes on upstairs. Once I could hear my upstairs neighbor go pee, and blow his nose, yeah he *was* cute until that happened. LOL

So now I will talk to our current landlord and see when we will be able to leave, our lease was up at the end of June and we are just on month to month (though Michelle being the darling that she is did not raise the rent...now you see why I feel bad..LOL). Here in WA you have to give 20 days (not bad cause in AZ it was 30) so I'll speak with her and figure out the dates. So hopefully come mid Jan we will be able to move in. Though the new landlord may give us the keys when we give him the deposit since its empty right now anyways. So tomorrow will bring more details in this moving saga!

So once I got the news that we were approved, I started my next most important move and that is locating which school Micah would be attending and checking it out. This search is not easy. I called around to the schools in the area and give the address of the house and each school tells me another school *roll eyes*. So finally, the one that I think he is supposed to go to, I tried calling all afternoon and kept getting their machine. *Sigh*

This is really so important to me, as I worry to how he will adjust. Everyone keeps reassuring me that he will do fine as he is only in Kindergarten, but still...ya know? Plus this school only has one KG class, what is the size?? Is it all day? Do they have a similiar tutoring program like what he is in now, cause that is really helping him. So I will find these things out, and if Im not comfortable with it, I will inquire about another school in the same district. The boundry restrictions are not nearly as enforced as they were when I was in school.

I was really hoping that we would be in this one school's boundry; because the story behind this school is funny. When I came out to visit my parents in 2000 and Micah was 14mths old, and he and I were still living in PHX, my mom took me by this quaint little brick school, where the 6th graders were the crossing guards and it had the bell out front (small town living..lol) and as silly as it sounds, my mom said to me, "See if you move here Micah could go to that school when he gets bigger!" And I remember thinking how far off school was to him then, but that thought was really the clencher for my move here. Silly huh? LOL but now here we are and my baby is school age, gosh that seems like forever ago.

So on to my next topic..lol I think that my sweet little Caleb is going to grow up to be a mofia leader of some sort. LOL He loves I mean absolutely loves Gi Joes. Well as much as he loves them he is always breaking their legs off. Its funny and frustrating at the same time. We always tell him when we hand him one, "Now Caleb do NOT break the legs" and he'll repeat "No breaka der legs right mommy?" and it just seems like a conversation that you would have with Al Copone or Lucky Luciano..LOL We told him that Santa will not be bringing him any GI Joes. I feel bad but really I am tired of finding little plastic legs all over my home.

Last topic...my jealousy.

Do you ever have those friends who just get *EVERYTHING* they want and nothing...seriously nothing really crappy happens to them, and all the good stuff comes easily. Yeah well thats my best friend of 15yrs. I hate being jealous of her, but I just can't help it. She got the car at 16 (1993 Eclipse in 1994), her parents were able to buy her everything, big wedding, like 3 honeymoons, not to mention many other trips and cruises with her husband. Great furniture, and clothes, the roses weekly, dinners out, the 2kt ring..blah blah. So her and her husband are now going to NY for a week to see Phantom..that SUCKS! LOL We (her and I)performed the music to that play in choir (I was in choir for 5yrs)so I was just telling her last week that I wanted to see it, and if I couldn't see the play I thought she should fly in (she lives in San Diego) and we could see the movie together. Well not one week later *BAM* she going to see the play, not the movie, but the play and get a week in NY too. Ahh to have the money to do those things. Jason and I have not been out on a date in almost 2yrs...yes I know, no wonder why we are the Bickersons lately.

Another lifetime I suppose. =)

The things they say

The things they say

Well this weekend has come and gone, and we still have yet to get our tree and see Santa! LOL *Hangs head in shame*. Not for the lack of trying though. Just my time management has never really been up to par. So we take the boys to my folks house as its been two weeks since their last visit cause my mom was very sick (she has systemic lupus) and the boys were jones'en for some grandparent love. Anyways we all go to dinner, walk around the mall and go to see "the man" and he had just left for the evening, Micah's response, "Why does Santa need to eat and rest!" LOL oh yes my sweet little one.

So that was a flop, the tree thing fell through cause I wasted too much time even getting out of the door yesterday. Its like a trademark for me, its sad really and I am seriously trying to change it. But I am *ALWAYS* late, usually its anywhere from 3-15min, but with family parties it runs a little more like 30-45 min so they started telling me it was an hour earlier than the actual time, but I caught on. LOL One of my best gal friends is the same way, one of our many similarities. She hates onions as well..=) LOL Though what was really comical, was when we started our monthly "Ladies Night" and we were meeting at my parents house cause they were going to watch her daughter, we were both right on time! LMBO. My mom hadn't anticipated it cause we are never on time, so she went to the store and we got there and we left the Jilli with my dad, an hour later my dad calls my mom and asks her when she thinks she'll be back, and she says "Are the girls there yet?" My dad tells her that we came and left an hour ago! She about died, lol. Tell us mothers we are going to get a few hours on our own, we will definately be there on time to get every minute of those hours!

Anyways back to the weekend, we were all eating dinner and Micah and Caleb were eating and entertaining one another, and J is telling my mom and I a story about our friends. Long story..lol but it was about one of J's friends and his stepkids. So anyways this morning, some of our other mutual friends that we share came by with their two daughters and the kids are playing and I hear my little "sir chats a lot" retelling the story we talking about last night to their kids!! OMG!!!!! ROFL. I was just floored that he even was paying attention and could retell the story bit by bit! Just goes to show us that even when we dont think that they are listening...they are!

So we turned in the application for that rental home, and now I sit on edge with anxious nerves. I always hate waiting for approvals. Now of-course I find myself getting into this house and really liking it and feeling that I could do so much to give it added charm, and the landlord told me we could paint and that he was open to letting me do things to it. So now I wait..to hear from him. We found a house a back in the mid november and I mean I fell in love with it, it was everything I wanted in a rental!! And we didn't get it, I cried..lol yes I really did. I still get sad thinking about it. Someone had beaten us to it, and I was soo bummed. But I know that it wasn't meant to be. God I hope this one is. UGH! Maybe someone needs to smack me!

My kids fell asleep before 9 tonight! Wooo-whoo! I love it when my kids fall asleep early. They usually dont fall asleep until about 9:30-10:00 I know I know. It wasn't always this way. Micah(when he was a toddler) was like clockwork 7:30 he was out, Caleb used to be 8:30. But damn daylight savings time. LOL. Caleb has been going through this thing were he will be up until after 10. Egad! Micah on school days is so exhausted that hes usually asleep by 9:30.

Ok this is just going on and on about nothing!

Until next time...and hopefully tomorrow we'll have the tree!

More mindless chatter

More mindless chatter

I was listening to the TV the other day as I cleaned the bathroom in my "Household Duty Diva" wear, pink house shoes, blue gloves, bleach stained sweat pants and don't forget the tiara! I'm serious..LOL the boys get a huge kick when I clean wearing my fake tiara! But anyways, what I heard was really shocking. It said, that a recent study done by Dove (products not the chocolate..lol) that only 2% of women feel they are beautiful??? How disheartening. I mean I have no room to talk cause I am constantly belittling myself and my appearance. But to know that such a high percentage of the female population does not feel its attractiveness.

I really dont know why I put this in here, I think cause its just stuck with me for three days now, and I really applaud Dove and their new ads, glorifying (is that the word I want to use??) the beauty of freckles, or wrinkles, gray hair and of-course a larger woman. Touche to them I say!! I may just make a point to buy more of their products!

This morning I was laying in bed and I was overhearing a conversation between my boys and it was quite commical to hear my 5y/o logic on my 3 y/o coming into our bed everynight.

Micah: "Caleb you really need to stop sleeping in Mommy and Daddy's bed"

Caleb: Why?

Micah: Cause you are three now, and thats getting bigger

Caleb: Why?

Micah: Cause you have your own bed, with cowboy blankets and they want you with them, beside mommy's blankets are pink and pink is a gross girl color. Sissy la la blankets!

Caleb: *laughs* you sissy la la

Micah: CALEB!! Will you pay attention, I am only telling you this one time! Stay in your own bed, pink blankets are for girls!

So let it be said! Boys...they are all boys! Its not even something that their dad trains them to be, its like its in their genetic make up. I mean we turn down what I like to call the "Pink Aisle" in Target and Micah starts dry heaving and saying, "Eweeee girls!" and of-course Caleb has to follow his big brother so he repeats it. And there you have it, as Im trying to enjoy my little estrogen stroll, I have two little boys, dry heaving and gagging themselves!

We may have found a rental home, I am having a mixture of emotions with this. I hate moving, I know we need to move, its pointless for us to stay here in the Harbor, with me having lost my job (my job was here) when Jason's job and our family are on the other side of the bridge as well as many more job propsects. Right now I think a lot of companies aren't even looking at my resume once they see the address cause of the commute. The house is not everything I want, but it has so many good aspects to it that I feel silly turning it away, when its just a rental to us, not a permanent investment, so in a sense some of the vanity stuff I should just let go right? The landlord is so incredible and just a good man, its right down the street from my folks, which is just a huge plus as they offer so much support to me and my guys. Its close to all our friends and Jasons work.

Its just all the changes and things to do at once that get overwhelming! Does not do well with my manic and anxiety disorder. But I have decided that along with major prayer..LOL I am going to make a list and just take it one step at a time. After all we have to be approved for the rental before the rest of the chips fall.

I think tomorrow I will make a list...I love lists, its such a cheesy thing I know, but there is something so gratifying about getting to check things off that list and watch it become what resembles a scratch paper that will be trash as soon as that last thing is "checked" off.

Boy do I know how to jump around!

Off to watch "Whos the Boss" Don't you just love "Nick at Nite"?

My ideal Nick at Nite line up would be

Brady Bunch
Silver Spoons (I still harbor a serious crush on Ricky Schroeder)
Facts of Life
Who's the Boss
Punky Brewster
I love Lucy

Thoughts from an insomniac

Thoughts from an insomniac

Crazy little thing called "love"

Tonight as I was doing my "nightly chores" and enjoying the rare form of quiet that I seldom get, unless I go to the bank by myself and take the long way..LOL I was thinking back to many years ago. When Jason and I first met, ours is a sordid love story, let me see if I come sum this up quickly.

We met when I was 17 and a senior in highschool and he was 19 just graduating from Marine Corp bootcamp, my best friend and I went to San Diego for a weekend trip and he and his friends had a liberty weekend and we stayed at the same hotel. We met, fell in love, had a turmotulous(sp) 2yr relationship in which it ended with me being 19 on the way to the PO to mail our 125 wedding invitations, I called him (I lived in AZ he was stationed in VA) and ended it. The invitations were never sent, 6wks later there was no wedding and $3000 of our own money lost. I went on a wild "rebound rampage" and for the next two years we remained friendly and he would try to convince me that "us" was still right. He wanted to see me, I never agreed I know now thats cause I would not have had the strength to walk away. I met someone, I got PG with DS #1 and became the happiest single mother. My life was great, I loved my son more than anything, had a great job, great little apt for just he and I. And then it happened my parents moved to WA, and then Jason got stationed in WA, I eventually moved up to WA (my parents being a huge part of my life) and Jason got divorced, slowly our friendship turned into more, though thats all it was for a long time. Both of us were in no place to start "anew". But we did we fell in love, got pregnant had Caleb and here we are.

My thoughts tonight are back to those earlier times when he was so madly in love with me, not to sound immodest, but he truly was. He was literally "crazy in love" with me, could not get enough of being with me, just so in love. I'm sure some of it was age him being young, crazy and reckless. But I miss it, now here we are he's 28 and I'm 26 we have two wonderful boys, he's stepped in as a great fatherly figure to my first son and we are for the most part a happy family. Only a few things I would change if I could. But I really miss his crazy love for me, I know now its just change to a comfort thing and that he doesn't love me any less, but its just different. If that makes any sense. When men would glance my way or make the flirtatious comment, he would come out of his skin (again age thing I think) but now when it happens (and its not like its all that often..lol) he laughs it off??? LOL Where is the chivalry in that? I know I know, silly right?

I truly love my life and I am so in love with the men in my life. I am outnumbered, but they all watch out for me well! =) But sometimes I find myself getting depressingly jealous of our friends who have no kids and all that freedom to just be a couple in love or even the friends who have one child. I feel so guilty for thinking like that, but just one weekend alone just him and I getting to do "grown up" things, uninterrupted. Like the other night we were trying to be "grown up" and our 3 y/o comes wondering in in the midst crying about monsters. LOL its funny now and even humorous then, but was just another one of our realities. LOL

He's a good man...good man with a not so good temper, lol but he works on it and as crazy as he can make me, I am crazy about him. I think that since we've built this family together I have fallen even more in love with him. Part of me feels foolish for taking that crazy love that he used to show for granted. This "old couple" stuff gets well old! We are at such a level of comfort and routine with one another it seems. Which I am grateful for, but I miss that thrill that comes early on.

*Sigh* this is why I hate my insomnia, it gets my mind rolling to totally random thoughts. From the ones that keep me awake, finances and bills, to the ones that make my mind wonder..see above!

Until next time...and hopefully by then I'll have my Christmas up, my poor little Micah is really bugging me to get it up!

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

Well I finally did it! I went into the storage room from hell and sifted and sorted (ok threw around) boxes of crap for 40min trying to find our Christmas decorations and I did it! I put up all of our decor, with the exception of the tree (we'll get that this weekend) and I did it while Micah was at school. Put some Christmas music on and Caleb and I went through boxes and sorted and put it all up, well I did and he asked over and over "Whatcha doing mommy?" as he bopped around to the music saying, "Happy Christmas" over and over again!

We went to get Micah from the bus stop at four, and I turned off all the house lights, and left the Christmas lights lit, left the music on and lit all the candles. When we were walking home I pointed to our balcony and told Micah to look at our house (apt)and he got all excited! He asked if we put lights up in the house and I said, "Oh I don't know if I found it all" and he hemmed and haahed over it and said that he would help me look for it. So then we walked into our apartment and he got all excited and jumped up and down, then of-course turned around and said, "Thank you mom, and where's my tree? Santa will have no place to put presents if we have no tree!" LOL oh they make it all worth it don't they? I got so excited and into it just by watching his excitement. He kept walking around all evening and turning off lights, so he could enjoy his Christmas spirit and candles! LOL Silly boy!

I do so love being a mother, as tough as it is, my life would be so empty without these rowdy boys and their sweet smiles and vivacious spirits.