Thoughts from an insomniac

Thoughts from an insomniac

Crazy little thing called "love"

Tonight as I was doing my "nightly chores" and enjoying the rare form of quiet that I seldom get, unless I go to the bank by myself and take the long way..LOL I was thinking back to many years ago. When Jason and I first met, ours is a sordid love story, let me see if I come sum this up quickly.

We met when I was 17 and a senior in highschool and he was 19 just graduating from Marine Corp bootcamp, my best friend and I went to San Diego for a weekend trip and he and his friends had a liberty weekend and we stayed at the same hotel. We met, fell in love, had a turmotulous(sp) 2yr relationship in which it ended with me being 19 on the way to the PO to mail our 125 wedding invitations, I called him (I lived in AZ he was stationed in VA) and ended it. The invitations were never sent, 6wks later there was no wedding and $3000 of our own money lost. I went on a wild "rebound rampage" and for the next two years we remained friendly and he would try to convince me that "us" was still right. He wanted to see me, I never agreed I know now thats cause I would not have had the strength to walk away. I met someone, I got PG with DS #1 and became the happiest single mother. My life was great, I loved my son more than anything, had a great job, great little apt for just he and I. And then it happened my parents moved to WA, and then Jason got stationed in WA, I eventually moved up to WA (my parents being a huge part of my life) and Jason got divorced, slowly our friendship turned into more, though thats all it was for a long time. Both of us were in no place to start "anew". But we did we fell in love, got pregnant had Caleb and here we are.

My thoughts tonight are back to those earlier times when he was so madly in love with me, not to sound immodest, but he truly was. He was literally "crazy in love" with me, could not get enough of being with me, just so in love. I'm sure some of it was age him being young, crazy and reckless. But I miss it, now here we are he's 28 and I'm 26 we have two wonderful boys, he's stepped in as a great fatherly figure to my first son and we are for the most part a happy family. Only a few things I would change if I could. But I really miss his crazy love for me, I know now its just change to a comfort thing and that he doesn't love me any less, but its just different. If that makes any sense. When men would glance my way or make the flirtatious comment, he would come out of his skin (again age thing I think) but now when it happens (and its not like its all that often..lol) he laughs it off??? LOL Where is the chivalry in that? I know I know, silly right?

I truly love my life and I am so in love with the men in my life. I am outnumbered, but they all watch out for me well! =) But sometimes I find myself getting depressingly jealous of our friends who have no kids and all that freedom to just be a couple in love or even the friends who have one child. I feel so guilty for thinking like that, but just one weekend alone just him and I getting to do "grown up" things, uninterrupted. Like the other night we were trying to be "grown up" and our 3 y/o comes wondering in in the midst crying about monsters. LOL its funny now and even humorous then, but was just another one of our realities. LOL

He's a good man...good man with a not so good temper, lol but he works on it and as crazy as he can make me, I am crazy about him. I think that since we've built this family together I have fallen even more in love with him. Part of me feels foolish for taking that crazy love that he used to show for granted. This "old couple" stuff gets well old! We are at such a level of comfort and routine with one another it seems. Which I am grateful for, but I miss that thrill that comes early on.

*Sigh* this is why I hate my insomnia, it gets my mind rolling to totally random thoughts. From the ones that keep me awake, finances and bills, to the ones that make my mind wonder..see above!

Until next time...and hopefully by then I'll have my Christmas up, my poor little Micah is really bugging me to get it up!