Happy Places

Happy Places

I decided that I need a coke and a smile tonight so here I am, but actually I am a pepsi drinker, or cherry coke, but that just doesn't have the same ring to it, does it? And I just am going to rattle of things that make me happy....

*Those two gorgeous little smiles to your right

*Dancing w/my kids during the day, gawd I love that, they just laugh so hard at me...hey I'm no pro, all my experiance has been in bars! =)

*Lounging in bed with them for a looong time in the morning (damn going back to 8-5 is going to suck)

* S-H-O-P-P-I-N-G!!! Oh yes, love it

* Getting personal emails from friends, love to hear whats going on

* Polls

* My mommy

* The color pink..yes it makes me happy..lol

* Good music

* A good lifetime movie

* A clean house

* Makeup..that should be up towards the top

* KENNY...oh KENNY!!! he should be on top to...woops UP top, I mean...muahahahahah

*Kenny again, damn seriously just thinking of him makes me smile

* Cale and Micah walking around quoting Home Alone "Buzz..your girlfriend WOOF!"

* Girls night out, the rare occassions when Eve and I get out

* New furniture...just the thought that it will happen in the near future I hope.

* King of Queens

* Oooh SHOES...and Purses..more stuff that should be up top.

* My black boots, all of them. LOL

* Getting blessed w/extra money

* Getting a card in the mail

* Sending out holiday cards to friends/family. I do it for most holidays, its just so fun.

* Getting a new book

* losing weight, thats way down here cause it doesn't happen as often as I want...

Ok I think I'm done..I feel better, just thinking of some of those things makes me smile!

ou say I'm a bitch like its a bad thing

ou say I'm a bitch like its a bad thing

That has always been one of my favorite things to say. Not that I am called a bitch all that often, Im more self-proclaimed. I didn't used to be this way. I think I just have way too much to do. Sometimes I think if Jason weren't so damn hard, it would be easier and I wouldn't mind taking care of things, I used to feel that way. But damn this man is a rock, I asked him the other day "Do you even bleed?" I just don't understand how anyone can be so compassionless and unfeeling. The boys have pretty much come to the conclusion that dad is "grumpy most days". *sigh* This of-course upset me, I tell him, no response....UHHHH HELLOOOO!

I know that he had a really shitty childhood, an ex-stepmom abused him, his mom pretty much neglecting him, grandmother verbally abusive to him and everybody telling him he is going to fail. But damn, move past it already, you are 28, have beautiful children, I adore him, despite his faults...(why??) the boys adore him, my family dotes on him and I. We are all constantly praising him, yet it seems the damage is done and he refuses to let it go. Now I led a very good childhood for the most part, never knew we were poor when we were, never realized my parents fighting, until I became a teenager. Yes when I was 15 I was told my mother was terminally ill, my dad fought alcoholism, and I fought depression and a severe eating disorder, but to me these were things that built my strengths and my character. I used to love who I was. Now I don't.

Im irritable, moody, sad, stressed and unmotivated, for what seems most of the days. Even when I was a single mother battling things, I was still happy and strong. Its weird how life takes a hold of you and you change. I miss that girl. I had beaten my ED and stayed healthy despite my weight gain, I was able to go off my depression/anxiety meds for quite some time, I was a single mother in love with my child and so happy and enjoying life.

Things w/J have not always been this difficult. Our first 2 1/2yrs almost 3yrs back together were wonderful, we fought, but we loved too, and had so much fun. This past year has been extremely difficult. He left last fall, (2003) and I left this past summer. Money I know bears a lot of the weight in our struggles, it just has a way of putting this tension in the air that effects everything, like a ripple effect. Parenting styles is another sore spot, we just can not get in synch which SUCKS!

But like Melissa said, you still love one another. There is a great quote by a French Renaissance, "If you press me to say why I love him, I can say no more than because he is he, and I am I."

That quote sums it up for me. Its not all bad, and I told myself that when the thought of being without him makes me more peaceful than thought of being with him, that something is wrong and must change. Thankfully we have not hit that point. Like I've said before, our thing is "You love me, you bug me". I'm praying this year gets better and things take a really good turn for us.

Ok...enough of my rant. We bickered tonight, and its just been left unresolved, so now I am feeling it with heavy thoughts and a sad heart. Maybe I need to find a poll..lmbo that always cheers me up! *wink*

Until next time. Ciao!

Random Nothingness...

Random Nothingness...

Definately more than you want to know....but hey I am bored and we know what I do when I am bored! Be prepared this one's a doozy..so have a coke and a smile..LOL!

1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before?

Hmmm...been laid off and on unemployment!

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

Well I've been dieting all year, lost a total of 30lbs...and yet I am weighing about 6lbs less than last year...yeah I don't stick to them to well...but I'm a glutton for let down, so yes I'll make some again this year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Oooh yes, 3 of my good friends, 2 baby girls and a boy.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

One of J's fellow soldiers was killed in the war, that was very hard for him, and hard for me by association.

5. What countries did you visit?

None.

6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?

Oh man, more money, more time alone, more romance, more weight loss

7. What dates from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

1/08/04 went to San Diego, first time I flew since 9/11..that was an experiance.

6/18/04 I left Jason...definately not a good memory

7/20/04 came home

9/3/04 My baby's first day of school, and the day I swear my heart was ripped from my chest, when the busdriver lost my son, and he was missing for over an hour. Talk about mixed emotions.

There's more that I would list, but unfortunately 2004 was a very very difficult year..looking forward to a new beginning.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Not sure

9. What was your biggest failure?

My relationship w/J, but we are trying to mend it now

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

I have a fear of the dentist, seriously I would rather endure the pain, I have 2 absessed teeth, and I crushed 2 discs in my back, and flared the arthritis in my back

11. What was the best thing you bought?

A new car...lol Jason blew up my other one.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

My brother, he has come upon his 30th year and I am beyond proud of the man he has become, I would gladly fix him up w/any of my friends...now! LOL

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed disgusted?

My own, Jasons, and my dads..all sad but true

14. Where did most of your money go?

Eating out and crap I'm sure..lol

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Alex coming home safely from Iraq..Yeah Sgt Ruiz!
My FIL & Step MIL coming into town, I love them to death. Micah's first day of school, Calebs progression in speech, and as of Summer 2004, NO MORE DIAPERS or PULL UPS!! Yeehaw!

16. What song will always remind you of 2004?

Hey Ya by Outkast, Barbie Girl by Aqua..cause they were my ringtones most of the year..lol and Nelly "My Place" and Joss Stone cause I can't stop myself from listening to them, I love music..LOL oh and stupid DJ Sammy cause Jason loves those damn Cd's soo much, oh and Usher cause Micah and Caleb love him...*shakes head* I know...*shrug*..lol

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) happier or sadder? same, I think..lol maybe a bit happier
b) thinner or fatter? feel fatter, but the scale says thinner..lol not by much

c) richer or poorer? about the same.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Quality time w/kids outside and exercise, stayed organized

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Fighting and eating

20. How will you be spending New Year's Eve?

Spending the night with A&E, eating and getting wasted on Jello-shots

21. Did you fall in love in 2004?

My children its a re-occuring thing

22. How many one-night stands?

Yeah right I wish..lol *just kidding* (sometimes..lol)

23. What was your favorite TV program?

American Dreams and Desperate Housewives!

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

Not really

25. What was the best book you read?

Tough call, I am an avid reader, I've read soo many. Any Nicholas Sparks books, the Dave Pelzer books, James Patterson, Jennifer Weiners...too many good ones!

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?

JOSS STONE!! Re-discoverd how much I love Thalia and Kumbia Kings

27. What did you want and get?

My pink saphirre ring

28. What did you want and not get?

LOL too much!

29. What was your favorite film of this year?

Can't think of any of the top of my head, but saw some good ones..or rented I should say..lol

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

26, went to Olive Garden w/my guys and my family. Fought w/J...ugh

31.What one thing would have made your year measurably more satisfying?

Getting things back to good w/Jason and not having the financial stress we did.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?

Well if its a black boot I own it, and if it was pink,grey, black or white I wore it..lol

33. What kept you sane?

My children..lol but that reminds me of my fave quote,

"Worrying about your children is your sanity, and sometimes being that sane can make you nuts" Adam Sandler~Spanglish

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

J Lo...I know you can shoot me, lol but I do..as for men or Kenny Chesney or Josh HOTnett....uum bring it on boys

35. What political issue stirred you the most?

Too many..lol

36. Who did you miss?

On occassion..him *sigh*

37. Who was the best new person you met?

I dont think I met anyone new..gawd how dull!

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004.

Hmmm. That marriage is not what you think, and that it really makes you grow up. But then I think most people knew that..lol where was I when that was taught

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

Matchbox 20- Get it Back to Good

It's nothing, it's so normal
You just stand there I could say so much
But I don't go there cause I don't want to
I was thinking if you were lonely
Maybe we could leave here
And no one would know
At least not to the point that we would think so

Chorus:
Everyone here,
Knows everyone here is thinking about somebody else
Well, it's best if we all keep it under our heads
I couldn't tell,
If anyone here was feeling the way I do
But I'm lonely now,
And I don't know how
To get it back to good

Verse:
This don't mean that you own me
Well, this ain't no good, in fact it's phoney as hell
Yeah but things worked out just like you wanted to
If you see me out you don't know me
Try to turn your head, try to give me some room
To figure out just what I'm going to do

Chorus:
Cause everyone here,
Hates everyone here for doing just like they do


Matchbox 20-Unwell

All day staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something

Hold on
Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown
And I don't know why

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be...me


Gretchen Wilson (Patsy Cline)-When I think about cheatin

When I think about cheatin'
I just think about you leavin'
And how my world would fall to pieces
If I tossed your love away
Even when i'm tempted by some stranger
Oh there's never any danger
I just think about you leavin'
When I think about cheatin'

We survived Christmas!!

We survived Christmas!!

The holiday went well and we all enjoyed ourselves. There was the typical drama with my younger cousin and her mother, it would be nice to have one family event w/out this but it seems to have become part of the festivities this past year. She is addicted to crack, and has now become pregnant with her boyfriend who has a prison record, is 13yrs older, drug dealer, and owes $14k in child support. Plus now he has decided to take it upon himself to randomly through her across the room from time to time. She went from 200lbs last Jan to 123lbs her last weight. Majority of it she lost in like 2mths, and just keep dwindling down. (she is 5'11) She m/c last year cause of smoking too much crack and it really was hard for her. She has said that she's been clean since 4 days prior to Thanksgiving. Jason and I last week told her that if she started rehab and was sincere in her efforts to stay clean and get a job (she hasn't worked in over a year..shes 22) that we would let her stay w/us for a little while as long as she knew it was under 2 conditions,

1) No drugs WHATSOEVER, and no stealing. If either of this issues even comes up as a suspicion she is out. And oc-course Rehab

2) No Tony, that is her boyfriend, and No Stacia, her friend who did crack throughout her entire PG.

It is soo much to take on I know, and I can't say that I feel 100% good about it. But J and I are two of the only family members that she respects and I want to help her. I'm nervous, she hasn't accepted and I'm thinking she may not. It may change once we move into the house. *shrugs* who knows. I just know that despite all the bad things about her (and there are more than average) I want to see her get better.

This kind of situation always makes me wonder how God works, you know? I mean there are good couples out there who struggle for years to have children, to give them a loving home and a good life. I mean I have a friend back in Phx. who has been trying for 2yrs to get PG. THey are successful, good, smart people. Who is to say that they don't deserve to have a child. And then girls like my cousin, selfish, lying, stealing, abusive and immature and irresponsible and they get pregnant, do drugs harming that precious baby inside them and then even though they can work they get state aide for everything. I know its not up to me to judge who can have a baby. But its just perplexing. Will my cousin be a good mother, she has the capacity to be, but I think thats in about 5yrs. My best friend said, "Well it will make her grow up", but what if it doesn't? And why should the baby have to deal with its mother growing up at the same time that he/she should be. Who suffers there. Not to make light of it, but my cousin reminds me of the type of mother like Drew Barrymore in the movie, "Riding in Cars with Boys". I've seen her with my kids and while I know she loves them and would never harm them. She is not "parental" she stoops to their level and I am constantly having to tell her, to stop teasing and that she is the adult.

Ok enough about that.

Our Christmas was good, we got to spend it with our family and Alex & Evelina and Baby Jillian came. They did not go home for the holidays so we were lucky enough to get to have them spend it with us and our family. We consider them family as it is, they fit perfectly in. We will spend New Years with them, and at their house. When you got kids, sitters are hard to come by on NYE so we make due! LOL We'll grill Carne Asada and eat and eat. Play games, watch movies and play with the kids. Alex & J Im sure will drink too much, while Eve and I play babysitter to them. But its ok cause they are good drunks when they are together. But it is like babysitting...literally!

My boys got lots of toys and they got boots and toys from G'ma and Tata (spanish for G'pa). They got a fish from Santa and tons of movies they wanted, Shrek 2, Where the Red Fern Grows, Two Brothers and the last HP movie.

I got J his Dale Earnhardt Jr jacket his been wanting, (blah) a nice pair of Converse, lol and not the "Chucks" though he would like those! A Gretchen Wilson CD (I hate contributing to his redneckness..lol)some cologne and a sweater. He got lots of sweaters from my mom, LOL and some nice gloves. A case of Corona from Alex..ROFL Which is ok cause he got Alex a fifth of Crown Royal.

I got a Gucci purse (pink *smiles*), 6 different kinds of perfume, lol yes six, I know. To add to my 12 exsisting. But I love perfume. J picked me out 3 tops from Old Navy (with my help) a book that I've been wanting. Some DVD's, candles and candle holders. My aunt got me a hilarious gift, a WA State Firefighters (Tamara, you would love it!) calender and when she got it from the expo she had them personally sign it and lets just say *whew* it made me blush, but of-course was all in good fun. I had to laugh though cause one signed a cheesy pick up line that some men used to say to me in the bars (many many years ago..lol) "Your name is Angel...oh please take me to Heaven!" Jason says it needs to go up in the back of my closet door! LOL

My made me a beautiful quilt, which made me cry. She has systemic Lupus and arthritis (she is only 49)and its very hard for her to work with her hands a lot, so I knew that she put a lot into this. It is soo sweet, has tons of fun fabrics on it, and is pink/red/black/white. I love it, the backside of it is a warm fuzzy pink.

It was such a fun holiday and as always ended too quickly!

Now the moving fun starts...oh joy!=)

Ciao!

Such a sad day for football fans and Reggie White fans. I am a huge PACKER fan, being that my moms family is from WI, I think I was born w/a Cheesehead. I fell in love w/Brett Favre in a Post Game interview with his first game w/the Packers. I caught lots of flack from people cause that season he threw 24 interceptions. Look at him now...lol! Well just look at him! I have tons of Packer stuff, and my kids first warm up suits were Packer ones. Hearing the news yesterday that Reggie White died at 43 was not only sad but shocking. I loved Reggie White, he had the biggest heart and such a good sport attitude. Definately one of the great ones. I was laughing today thinking about a commercial that came out years ago, it had Joe Montana in the stands alone with a Psychologist and he was showing him ink blots and kept saying, "What do you see?" every answer was "Reggie White". LOL

So it is definately a sad day for fans.

Random Ramblings (RR)..lol

Random Ramblings (RR)..lol

So while doing my weekly surfing on the Coach site, I came across another bag that I desperatly want and here it is

http://www.coach.com/shop/product_nobefree.asp?product_no=6717&category_id=68&show_bc=&easyask_id=

LOVE IT! But it won't happen, not at $300...lol

This is another one that I just love

http://www.coach.com/shop/product_nobefree.asp?product_no=6398&category_id=68&show_bc=&easyask_id=

Now this one may happen if I happen to come across extra money one day...lol Like that really happens. But a girl must have her dreams, and mine are of Coach..ROFL. Not really...well maybe ;)

Ok so I do admit to owning the wristlets, but you can typically find these on sale at Nordies, for a great price and they are a handy little tote to have, to carry just the essentials. :)

I have this one in denim, but now want the pink, put it on the list for my honey to buy...yeah that won't happen! LOL

http://www.coach.com/shop/product_nobefree.asp?category_id=200&product_no=6751

Guarentee it will be cheaper in a dept store. The site always is a little bit more, and the denim one I got was off of ebay. I love it. =)

Now purses more in my range that I love are my Roxy bags. Fun, flirty and colorful. I swear purses, shoes and makeup are a sick addiction of mine. Before the kids came along thats all I did was shop. But I had the means to do it then and no responsibilities but to myself, so what the hell right!

Now I do so love shopping for them. When we can. I am in the market for getting them beds, bunk beds. I wanted a double on the bottom and single on top, but I am having tremendous difficulty finding ones that we can afford and for a reasonable price. *Sighs*.

So my boys are so cute and funny..most days =). Today Jason asked Caleb what he wanted from Santa and Caleb says, "FRUIT SNACKS!" LOL seriously if I got him the worlds largest box of fruit snacks thats all he would want, that and cowboy boots (ick).

We are house-sitting for some friends of ours and let me tell you this house just epitamizes F*I*L*T*H!! It's disgusting and Jason keeps reminding me that they cleaned before they left. I am not being mean, but to me for a SAHM this is just pure laziness, especially since she has two older kids, 15, 13, 5 and 6mo. Yes she has her hands full, but come on. She has such nice stuff too, gorgeous new furniture, and all sorts of fun decorative stuff. She just needs to crack into her shopping money for Merry Maids, I say. I know that homes with kids are going to have mess, thats a "lived in home" I guarentee you walk through our house and you will find stray shoes, socks, toys, books. Not everything is put away. But our house is not dirty.

They left town for 3wks and she left TWO 1/2 full baby bottles under piles of newspaper on the table,a milkshake on a desk, they have had this steak in the fridge "marinating" since his homecoming party, Nov 12. Yes raw meat in the fridge for what, 6wks? This is another friend of J's from the ARMY. He offered me $100 to clean it before they come home. Which I have straightened it up some, but you could not pay me to clean crusted vomit off your toilet, and God only knows how long its been there. *shudders*

Ok sorry to totally go off about nothing, lol I just got back from there, checking the mail and on their bird. I have no clue how to care for birds, but I had turned on their heat to like 65 cause they had it off and the bird was by a window, I thought he is not going to die on my watch. It had to be way too cold in there for him. I love their daughter (13 y/o) and will not let her come home to no parakeet. She makes me want to have a girl. LOL, she's become like my own little best friend. She tells me all the "hots and nots" in the Jr High scene.

Ok so I'm done, off to finish laundry and pack my PIA his lunch.=)

Ciao!

Ok so I lied...lol

Ok so I lied...lol

Ok the blog world is a poll-a-holics dream. I've come across so many fun random polls and love it! Here's one I found earlier today.

1) Name the last four things you have bought:
Cigerettes, One Hour Film, Picture Frames, Groceries

2) Name four drinks you regularly drink:
Water, too much soda, iced tea (no sugar, does that make up for the soda??) Mylanta..lol stomache uclers suck

3) Last time you cried?
Yesterday

4) What is in your CD player?
Joss Stone (Girl Power..lol)

5) What is under your bed?
Drawers

6) What time did you wake up today?
7-ish, got out of bed at 8..lol

7) Current hair?
Dk Brown w/red highlights, blown dry straight..lol

8) Current clothes?
Jeans and one of those sweaters that gives the illusion you have a blouse underneath...lol what are those called? Mine is pink/white


9) Current desktop picture?
Until today it was Kenny Chesney..purr. Now its my babies!!


10) Current worry?
Finances and our move

11) Current hate?
See above..lol

12) Favorite places to be?
Sephora..lol oh wait probably Mom's house or the Mall..really

13) Least favorite place?
Dentist

14) How tall are you?
5'6

15) Favorite expression?
Damnit and Get Out! (used as an exclamation..lol)

16) Two people from your past you wish you could talk to:
Hmmm, Maybe Carlos and Lonnie

17) Favorite day(s)?
Saturdays

18) What country would you like to go to?
Costa Rica

19) Where do you want to live when you get married?
Here is fine

20) Favorite foods?
Candy..lol Jelly Beans. I love pineapple


21) Color of most clothes you own:
black, pink, white and grey

22) Number of pillows you sleep with?
6 on our bed, I sleep w/2, 3 if I can steal one from J

23) What do you wear when you go to sleep:
T-shirts, nightgowns (I always have PJ bottoms under my pillow JIC of a fire. I'm paranoid I know)

24) What were you doing 12AM last night:
Reading a book, then surfing the Coach site..lol

25) How old will you be in 10 years:
Do we have to go there? LOL 36

26) Are you paranoid?!
Sometimes, about fires yes.

27) Do you burn or tan?
Tan

28) What is the brand of your wallet?
Nine West

29)First piercing/tattoo?
Piercings was when I was baby, ears. Tatoo I was 17

30) First enemy?
A boy in 2nd grade, can't recall his name, he was rotten and ugly! LOL

31) Last person you yelled at?
Micah..to quit sitting on his brother

32) Last crush?
Oooh Kenny Chesney!

33) The last thing you ate?
Banana w/PB..lol


34) The last time you had sex it was:
Monday night I think.

So really I am lazy..lol!

So really I am lazy..lol!

But I am putting the links to pictures of the 3 loves of my life. I am just too damn lazy to try and figure out all the DL crap and what not! So click on the link if you want to see my men!!

This is my beautiful baby boys, in front of the tree that they put up in the center of downtown, we live in a very small quaint town, that is 14sq miles, the town, now the city limits of-course are huge. But town is small. But this is right by the waterfront, and unfortunately the pics of the boats in the harbor w/ all the Christmas lights did not come out..damnit. But here are my silly monkeys in front of the tree. Gawd I could just stare at their pic all day...plus pics don't whine or talk back =)

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v443/jrobosgirl/boys.jpg

Here is a picture of my pain in the butt...oh the love of my life I mean. LOL! He really does make my heart soar. Our saying is "You love me...you bug me" and its oh so fitting. He's the one that looks like he should be the lead singer of some grunge band. ROFL With the hat. This was when we went to celebrate his best friend getting back from Iraq. J was in the ARMY w/Alex and took to him like a brother. Lucky for me I love absolutely love his wife! So we are fortunate to have a couple who we really love to hang out with.

Oh and the boys (J and Alex) were very drunk in this picture, you can really see it in Alex's smile. LOL But us wives made them leave the beers out of the picture. Though you can see the drunk dribbles on Alex's shirt!

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v443/jrobosgirl/honey.jpg

So those are my guys! I have no recent pics of me, which is really bad. My aunt is always giving me hell about it. She tells me the same story over and over again, forgetting that shes told me before. About two boys who wrote into Readers Digest about how sad they were cause their mother had passed away and when they were going through photos they realized that they had very few and no recent photos of their mother. She tells me this ALL the time. I hate cameras, I have the highest cheekbones and it does not photograph well. ROFL...yeah thats my excuse.

I did find one of the military ball, this was like 2yrs ago. My hair is a completely different length and color! LOL For some reason when it scanned it scanned very blurry...and J looks really freaky...LMAO!

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v443/jrobosgirl/02infball.jpg

Ok so thats about all thats going on...boredom. I did hear from J's ex and all she said was "A liked her gifts" so at least it was an acknowledgement. Then she went on and on about how her newest flava..lol bought her over $500 worth of stuff for Christmas and is always giving A money and is paying for their tickets to HI this Jan. It was funny cause I am going to burn in hell for talking badly about this, but I had this image, as this new boyfriend is 47 (shes 28) and he always tells A to run and get her purse and he then gives her money for it, and I thought of a Grandpa giving his grandaughter money. I am aweful..burning in hell for sure!